It’s episode three of Parental Guidance Australia 2023 and time to put the spotlight on four more parenting styles.
This week, host Ally Langdon and Dr Justin Coulson have introduced a fresh group of Focus
Parents — Spiritual, Team, Stage, and Influencer parenting styles which will showcase their unique approach to raising children in the modern age.
Getting to know the Focus Parents
Stage Parents Sarah, 47 and Shane, 51, are raising their kids Alaska, 17, Xion, 13, and River, eight.
Given Sarah runs a theatre company and Shane is a drama teacher, “stage parenting is mostly fun” and they “encourage their kids’ individuality, creativity and independence.”
While people think Stage parents are encouraging of their children, Sarah says they are more “critical” of their kids.
Spiritual Parents Kajal, 37 and Deepak, 45, have two children, Krishna, 13 and Mridula, seven.
The family believe that they are part of the “divine” and they look towards Lord Krishna, “our God to guide us with our parenting and everything else we do.”
Their style embodies “parenting to the needs of the child, on the physical level, on the intellectual level and also on the spiritual level.”
“In regards to our parenting style, Lord Krishna says, ‘Treat me as you would treat your child or treat me as you would treat me,” Deepak said. “It’s not just us raising kids, our kids are raising us, spiritually.”
The Influencer Parents Kat, 36, and Jonathan, 40, are raising their daughters Latisha,18 and Deja, 11.
Their parenting style is leading by example and using technology to “connect rather than separate”.
Kat and Jonathan take an “influencer approach” to parenting, with both kids having social media accounts.
“If you see people on TikTok, if you see people on Instagram, the future is only going to move in that direction,” Jonathan said, while Kat said that “education is key”, teaching them “what to look out for and keeping them safe”.
Mark, 46, and Leanne, 42 are Team Parents to their six kids Matthew, 16, Billy, 11, Ella, eight, Brooklyn, six, Bobbi, four and Baylee, three who love “working together and supporting each other” raising their “little tribe”.
“We’ve always got each other’s backs,” Leanne said, adding that they parent them like their own “footy team”.
Both parents are Rugby League coaches (Mark has a VERY famous dad) and where they “lead” their kids “follow”.
Challenge One — Feeding Time at the Zoo
Testing: Managing emotions
In this challenge, we looked at how families deal with disappointment when only one person can have a turn.
In the Stage Family, Xion was chosen to feed the koala, while River expressed his upset over not being chosen. Shane and Sarah tried to diffuse the situation with comedy with Sarah saying, “You’re acting like a 5-year-old” to eight-year-old River.
Meanwhile, the Spiritual Family were tasked with feeding some hungry quokkas. it was a different story when Krishna said to his little sister, Mridula, that she could be the one to perform the activity; however, as a family, they decided he would actually be the one to do it. Deepak said that “making others happy” is very important.
Unstructured parent Michael was impressed by their ability to turn disappointment into happiness for someone else.
Slow Parenting Dad Chris liked the way that Shane distracted River with humour; however, Unstructured mum Melody said Sarah’s approach was “nasty”.
Sarah then said that once you turn six, “it’s time that they should be able to control themselves”.
Next up were the Influencer parents. Their approach to disappointment is to be open and honest. Latisha was given the opportunity to hold the Koala and Deja handled her disappointment well.
Parent Lounge — Dr Justin removes one couple from the room
During the Team Parents Zoo challenge, Brooklyn, 6 and Baylee, 3 were upset that they weren’t able to feed the penguins; however, Mark, with five kids around him, managed to handle it like a pro.
Honest mum Kat told Mark that he “nailed” it; however, Gentle Parents Larissa and Marcus said they would have approached it differently.
“I’m curious why crying isn’t behaving?” Larissa said before Outback parent David defended Mark’s actions. Melody then tried to explain what Larissa meant; however, David was concerned that if they cry, would they get a cuddle every time.
Both Larissa and Melody argued the point that Baylee was three, but David continued with Team mum Leanne saying that it’s not acceptable to cry because they didn’t get to do the activity.
Larissa and David continued to be at odds with one another with Leanne saying that kids crying are “looking for attention and it’s not OK”.
Dr Justin then asked Mark and Leanne to “stop for a moment” and took them outside for a “chat”.
“The room is getting too heated,” he said.
Dr Justin uses the example of if Mark spoke to his wife like the way he spoke to his child, would she respond well to being told to “stop it”?
He instead suggested identifying what is causing the “big emotion” and empathising with it. The process is called “Emotion Coaching”.
“The greatest human need is not to be loved but to be understood,” Dr Justin said.
Family Spotlight — Influencers
Learning more about the Influencer family, Jonathan and Kat admit that they were raised by strict parents, deciding to do the “complete opposite” with their girls.
Both Deja and Latisha are on all social media platforms and while Jonathan says having knowledge about safety online is paramount, he also admitted that the monetary gain is helpful too.
Back in the Focus Room, Slow Parents Phillipa and Chris reveal they don’t use much technology while raising their family, questioning Kat and Jonathan about the age their kids joined social media.
Deja has been on social media for a couple of years and Kat reveals that they have access to everything. They also said that they do not “mindlessly scroll”, modelling that for their kids.
Ally asks if they are always creating content for the likes, which prompts the Focus Parents to further probe the Influencer parents.
Dr Justin then says: “As parents, we’ve got to be actively involved, having conversations, guiding their social media use and knowing what’s going on”.
Challenge Two — Online Research
The next challenge saw the kids armed with a laptop where a pop-up appeared asking them whether they were over 18 or not. The task was to see if the kids knew how to be safe online.
What seemed like a straightforward task, researching planet Uranus, took an unexpected turn as the children stumbled upon a potential gateway to explicit content.
While Spiritual’s Mridula and Influencer’s Deja passed with flying colours, while 16-year-old Matthew from Team family… did not. And, Mark was not surprised!
“The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree,” he said.
Stage parent’s son Xion, 13, also clicked that he was over 18 after a few seconds of contemplation; however, Ally gave them some concessions, given that most families across Australia would have the same issue with their teenagers.
The conversation turned to if there were different standards for girls and boys with Slow Parent Phillipa saying it was a “cultural norm” for young males to be curious. Road School parent Amy said that girls were “tarnished” while American Parent Kim disagreed.
Kids Speak
During Kids Speak, Mridula said her parents were “encouraging” while 11-year-old Billy said Team Parents were “nice and caring” and they “look after us good”.
Influencing kid Deja said her parents were “crazy” and Stage kid Xion called his mum and dad “weird. Very weird.” HA!
Deja revealed that she thinks her dad is “cool” and that all of her friends “love his hair” and Xion said his dad was “fit and buff”.
“He’s like Shane the Rock Johnson,” he said. Yes, Shane. LOL! Love Xion!
Krishna thought his dad was “funny” and admitted that one time, his dad “farted very loudly”! HA!
River said his mum can be “really nice sometimes” and Billy said Leanne was always “screaming” at footy! Deja, on the other hand, liked her mum because she was “really rich”. Dead.
As for who’s the boss of the household, Mridula said “God”, while the Stage kids were unanimous in saying their mum and the Team kids said their dad.
“Just so we all know, I’m the boss of the family, not Mark,” Leanne joked!
More of this segment, please!!
Spotlight — Spiritual Family
Coming from a Hindu background, Deepak said that “spirituality means we are all spirits” and their job as parents is to guide their kids in their overall journey.
“Be honest, be kind, don’t hurt each other,” he said while also teaching them to be grateful.
American mum Kim praised them for giving their kids “another dimension” and Melody agreed, saying that having a strong sense of self was something that every kid needed.
“Externals don’t matter,” Deepak said.
While Deepak and Kajal’s parents live with them, Lighthouse’s mum Sammy admitted it wouldn’t work in their household. American Parent Kim said that in “Asia they do it so well but in the West, we’re missing out”.
Challenge — Reverse Park
The kids had to reverse park while the kids gave them directions. In this challenge, they were looking to see which parents could relinquish control and trust their kids to communicate effectively. What could possibly go wrong?
Eight-year-old River signalled for the Stage Parents, saying Sarah “might” hit the car, but overall did a great job!
Spiritual Parent Deepak struggled to let Mridula take control and while Mridula said Kajal was going to hit the car, his directions overpowered and the car was hit. Oops!
Road Parent Amy told Deepak that he should have listened to his daughter because she was giving great instruction while Dr Justin said that if you listen to your kids and stop thinking we “know it all”, they can really provide great insight.
Team’s Leanne took the wheel while eight-year-old Ella took control of the directions. Matthew decided to joke around, even thumping the car to make Leanne think she hit something, but in reality, Ella did a great job!
The Influencer family allowed Deja to take control, but her loud instructions caused Kat to say “f**k”; however, although “stressful” it was amazing!
American mum Kim praised the Influencers for “great communication” with the topic then turning to if should you swear in front of your kids.
Honest mum Kat said it was OK within reason and Gentle mum Larissa said they don’t swear in front of their kids.
Challenge — Approaching Tough Topics
Ally and Dr Justin wanted to see how the parents educate their kids on anatomy and how comfortable they are talking about it.
Matthew, 16, was embarrassed to say “vagina” while Ella was able to say it with a giggle.
Over in the Stage Family, Xion knew the term “vulva” and also knew that a “foreskin” was removed during circumcision.
It wasn’t as successful with the Spiritual Family with Mridula saying babies came out of “the bum” and didn’t know the actual word for vagina, instead calling it “Venus”.
Leanne was shocked that her kids knew so much, saying that they knew more than she did. Philippa said that kids should know the “sooner the better” about their bodies to “normalise it” for our kids. Gentle mum Larissa said it was important for children to know, in case “something bad happens” and they are able to verbalise it.
As for the Influencer family, Kat says that her girls can come to her “about anything”. Deja was confident in saying that babies came from sperm, saying that they “race”. Lol.
Kat explained that she didn’t have the opportunity to talk to her own parents and shared what she told the girls about being a teen mum.
“I just don’t want them to be one,” she said, adding that she had had more of a conversation with Latisha than Deja.
“I didn’t want them to be held back,” she said of her own experience and wanted them to go to uni and get jobs without a child in tow.
Honest mum Kat said she really “resonated” with their honest approach.
The Verdict
The parents with the best Parental Guidance style so far was the Influencer parents Jonathan and Kat!
Parental Guidance airs Monday and Tuesday at 7.30pm on 9 and 9Now.
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