It’s the FINAL Married at First Sight Australia 2023 Dinner Party (a.k.a episode 32) and at this point, we’re just waiting for someone to throw a glass of wine over Harrison.
Tonight marks the first time the couples have seen each other since Homestays, and they have A LOT to catch up on.
After the couples visited each other’s living quarters, most couples are, as Expert John would say, “in crisis” — except for Tahnee and Ollie because they are perfection.
Speaking of the #blessed pair, before the final supper, they reflect on their positive time together — the perfect amuse-bouche to what we’re sure will be an absolute sh**tfight of a dinner party.
“Would I move to Bondi? Yes I would if Tahnee was there,” Ollie says, and le sigh. They’re even couple dressing!
Meanwhile, in complete contrast, Melinda and Layton remain worried about how their relationship will survive outside the experiment and while they seriously can’t stand each other right now, they are heading into tonight’s Dinner Party united. Cute.
Unfortunately, Harrison and Bronte are STILL HERE but have not spoken since Bronte’s sister, Kirra, tore “Harry” to shreds during their visit to Perth.
The FINAL Cocktail hour is here!
The first couple to walk in are Alyssa and Duncan. A couple so far “in crisis” that no amount of therapy will get them where they need to be.
Alyssa still hates Duncan even though every other woman over 25 would happily marry him and gives him the cold shoulder before Rupert and Evelyn walk through the door.
As predicted by John, Alyssa turns from ice queen to a warmed-up sprinter and legs it over to the newly arrived couple with open arms, before waiting precisely one second before telling them how awful her husband has been.
It went something like this.
Alyssa: How was homestays?
Evelyn: We had….
Alyssa: Great. Duncan is the worst.
Given that her husband is, in fact, not awful, Duncan is shattered. God, someone give that man a hug and let it be me!
“He pretty much ripped our entire relationship apart,” she says. Well, f**k.
Thankfully “these two” a.k.a Tahnee and Ollie enter. Ollie is thrilled by having lived in Bondi and is now “straight vibin'”.
Evelyn then tells Tahnee and Alyssa that she “let Rupert hit”, with Expert Mel announcing that they had S.E.X.
Evelyn then calls Rupert “goofy”, and we’re 100% sure that no guy who has ever been allowed to “hit” it would like to be described in this way…
While the girls are gossiping, Harrison walks in sans Bronte and Expert Alessandra is not surprised.
“It’s been their pattern. Up and down. Up and down. Up and down. Up and down…” You get the point before Harrison is grilled asked by a producer: “What was it like walking in by yourself?”
Harrison response?
Ollie, who is truly vibin’ like a cop from Miami Vice, speaks for everyone when he says: “Here we go again!” and here we go again, indeed!
Appaz Harry “LOVED” Perth… before “Bronte viciously attacked” him (his words), and her sister called him a “GASLIGHTING, NARCISSISTIC, D**KHEAD!”
Of course, Evelyn LOVED it.
When Lyndall and Cameron arrive, Lyndall confesses to the girls that she received no affection from Cam during their visit to Darwin.
“I didn’t get a kiss,” Lyndall says and John states the obvious. Cam is not affectionate.
Bronte is the last to enter, and boy does this group feel small, don’t ya think?! She walks in with straightened hair, which, in womans terms means WAR.
Harrison is quick to approach her to talk, but she denies him and the girls support her decision.
“He’ll be hating every minute of this because he’s got no control over it,” John says, almost giddy.
Bronte then debriefs with the girls, but Harrison can’t let s**t go and comes over to interrupt the conversation before the girls basically tell him to f**k off.
Once he leaves, Bronte confesses she is done with Harrison… and dinner is served!
The Dinner Party commences and the Honesty Box appears
While Layton and Ollie say the Dinner Party feels reminiscent of the “early days”, we know it’s far from the truth because Harrison wants to talk about Perth.
Before they can get into it, the Experts arrive with a ~tWiSt~ — the goddamn HONESTY BOX. i.e The box that unravels every single gaslighting groom and puts the most dramatic of Bride off-side and frankly, We. Can’t. Wait.
“Unpack everything here tonight,” Alessandra says, forgetting to mention: “not when the cameras aren’t rolling because DRAH-MA!”
Tahnee and Ollie are the first to take on the Honesty Box and admit to each other that they’re falling in love and are excited about their future.
“We can’t get enough of each other,” Ollie says, as he even melts the hearts of the most angry Brides.
Alyssa and Duncan are next and Alyssa says she doesn’t think she’s “good enough”. After all this bloody time, she admits she has doubts about their relationship and you know what they say! When there is doubt, there is NO doubt!
While he says he likes her “when it’s good” (lol, never), Alyssa cuts him down, and he finally tells her off. Well, sort of. PRAISE BE.
“How I feel about you, I could talk about it for days…” he says. Side note: Is anyone watching Sanditon? Because this is giving us serial 1800s romance.
Duncan then admits he is “also concerned” about their different views on what a good relationship is as he doesn’t feel that their relo is healthy. NO SH*T SHERLOCK.
The perfect Groom then asks her what he can improve, and Alyssa pulls out a scroll written in blood… We joke, we joke!
Alyssa then tells him he takes things too literally and should put himself in her shoes for once. Lol.
“There’s so much tension between Duncan and I,” she says.
The final couples undertake the task with a side of “RIP Harrison”
Evelyn and Rupert’s responses are awkward at best.
Evelyn calls Rupert out for not having tried hard enough throughout this experiment and not taking her out on a date; however, we’re pretty sure Rupert has never taken anyone on a date in his life.
Rupert admits that he doesn’t feel like Evelyn is attracted to him, which Evelyn is annoyed by because she wouldn’t have “hit” if she wasn’t.
“She said, ‘I’ve had sex with you’, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re attracted to someone…” Rupert tells the producers. And here lies the issue with dating in 2023.
Next up is Lyndall and Cameron.
In no surprise to anyone, their answers cause chaos, with Cameron’s main concern being their different lifestyles.
Finally seeing what the rest of Australia sees, Lyndall says she feels like her husband isn’t into her the way, she’s into him. That’s because he isn’t and he tells her so.
Lyndall then leaves the dinner table crying and is all like, how many times have we broken up this week?! Christ on a stick. If we were Lyndall, we wouldn’t even turn up to Final Vows.
Obviously, leaving the most doomed couples until last, the attention turns to Layton and Melinda.
Melinda reveals she is in love with Layton, and while everyone is like “ooooh”, Layton is all like: “Nah babes. Can’t be possible. We don’t even communicate!”
Calling Layton a “robot” who doesn’t tap into his emotions, LayLay then admits that he’s not falling in love with her…yet. Man. This is painful to watch because we’ve ALL been there!
And thar concludes the final Dinner Pa……
Jokes. Unfortunately, we are forced to sit through Bronte and ol’ mate.
As usual in front of a crowd, Harrison bangs on about regretting not cleaning his act up before going into the experiment and no one is buying his BS… especially Bronte.
Bronte refuses to give him anything while asking him questions.
“This is my turn to ask questions!” she says. Somebody’s in troooouble!
In a Logie Award-winning performance, Harrison tells her that he has held onto “glimmers” of her “spontaneity” throughout the experiment, but then moves on to his least favourite thing.
“My least favourite thing about you is that you’re willing to talk negatively about your partner to other people.” Like the music in the background, Harrison’s mood completely changes and coupled with his tone, it’s a little jarring.
Harrison then describes the two deal breakers of their relationship.
“I told you I don’t want you to threaten to leave me again, and I don’t want you to say negative things about me.” He then turns the conversation to Homestays, saying, “you and your sister attacked me”.
“Oh please,” Bronte says. “Please. She held you accountable for being an absolute condescending a**hole to me.” YESS GIRL!
Measured, Harrison says: “No, Bronte. You sat there in support while she attacked me. She called me very, very damaging things in an aggressive manner, and you supported that. That was another betrayal.”
“I’d choose my family over you any day,” she tells him.
Lyndall finally interjects and asks him what Kirra said that was so damaging, and Bronte relays the exact words. “GASLIGHTING, NARCISSISTIC, D**KHEAD!”
“I never called Bronte a dickhead,” Harrison says.
“You make me feel like I’m f**king crazy,” Bronte says, before Harrison tries to defend himself:
“That’s what you do to me. I see a side of you that I don’t approve of. Your behaviour is not becoming of someone I would want to be in a long-term relationship with.”
The Experts, who we forgot were even watching, say that this is his “style” and that he has been called a “narcissist and a gaslighter” in the past…..
Alessandra calls him “the most predictable person” they’ve ever had in this experiment.
“The most predictable person” now had the cards, and began to ask his “wife” questions (we’re shocked they let this continue, TBH) and Bronte tells him that he “never had my best interests at heart”.
“I believe you wanted to get through this to save your image, and I was a little pawn in your game. I saw that at Homestays. My sister called you out completely, and you didn’t like it.”
“Honestly, I have never met anybody like you,” she added.
Harrison’s response: “Thank you”.
“I mean that in the worst way possible,” she says. “I don’t believe that you were genuine from day one, and the way that you honestly think that everybody else’s problem…”
Harrison tries to interject and Bronte tells him to “let me talk”.
As Harrison continues, Lyndall interrupts him.
“It’s Bronte’s turn to answer questions, so you need to respectfully chill the f**k out and let her answer these questions.” F**K YES, LYNDALL. YOU GO, GLEN COCO!!
“This is what you could have done differently,” Bronte says. “Hear me and actually listen and read the fricken room.
Harrison: “Yeh, do you want to go to the next question, or are you done?”
Bronte:
“I’m done with you. I’m done with this man. Harrison, we’re done. We’re over, and I honestly never want to see you again.”
With this, Bronte exits stage left.
This was truly the most terrifying scene we’ve ever witnessed on this program and that’s saying a lot.
Goodbye Harrison. Good luck trying to find anyone to date you…
And that’s what you missed…
Watch Married At First Sight on Sundays at 7.00 pm and Monday – Wednesday at 7.30 pm on Nine and 9Now.
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