Valentine’s Day is known to some as V-Day, and to others as D-Day. This is a list for all those members of the lonely-hearts club this Valentine’s Day. I’ve got you covered with some fun ways to have a good (or petty) time and celebrate yourself with some self-love.
1) The height of pettiness is naming a cockroach after your ex to get the satisfaction of knowing a cute zoo animal will eat it. This activity is especially great for those who have gone through a recent breakup where they feel wronged. If your ex was particularly afraid or hated a specific animal, I’m sure you can add a suggestion as to which animal you would like your ex to be eaten by (as long as cockroaches are part of its natural diet).
2) Bathe yourself in love using the Valentine’s Day collection from Lush. Have a cheeky Peachy or Aubergine bath, or if you’re not into baths, how about working a fine lather over yourself with the Peachy or Aubergine soap? If cute eggplant and peach emoji shaped products aren’t for you, don’t worry, because Lush even sells bottled Prince Charmings and Unicorn Horns for those who want a fairy-princess Valentines and not a dirty-flirty Valentines!
3) Pull a full-on Cher Horowitz and send yourself flowers or yummy luxury chocolates! This way you won’t feel left out at work when everyone is getting deliveries! A word of caution — sign the note with a random letter not ‘from your secret admirer’. If you want to keep it within budget order a single rose with some baby’s breath — simple and elegant.
4) Take a full-on self-care day! Go to a spa or have a pamper-yourself-at-home day, or simply sleep in, eat your favourite foods, have a nice glass of wine and catch up on some shows or books you’ve been too busy to read. Sometimes it’s nice to just enjoy our own company.
5) Invite your single friends over and have a lonely-hearts party or anti-Valentine’s Day party! Here are some tips and tricks to throwing one. Get your friends to invite some people too and who knows? Maybe your one true love will walk right through your door!
6) You may remember around 2016 packs of glitter were sent in the mail to inconvenience people who may have wronged you. What is more nefarious than a glitter bomb you may ask? Why that would be spring-loaded dick-shaped glitter bombs! Spread hundreds of tiny penises around your ex’s place which will take weeks, if not months, to fully clean out — every time they see a glitter dick they can be reminded of what a dick they are. This service is 100% anonymous so you don’t have to fear retaliation.
7) Do you have a single friend with nothing to do on V-Day? Go out together on a friend date, whether it be eating a cute dessert, going to the movies, out for dinner, or something a bit more adventurous like rock climbing, ghost tours, or an escape room. You’re sure to have a tonne of fun and you’ll probably forget it’s even Valentine’s Day!
8) Have a baking day. Who says just because you’re single you have to hate V-Day? Go down to the cake aisle and pick up all the charming heart-shaped decorations, glitter drawing icing and food colouring to make the cutest lil’ cookies anyone could ever want! If you don’t want to eat them all, you can gift them to your closest friends and thank them for the platonic love they shower you with.
No matter what your relationship status is for Valentine’s Day 2020, just remember it’s important not to define yourself based on whether or not you have a significant other. Self-love is the highest and most rewarding form of love that you can have.
Featured Image: GQ