If we don’t have a care in the world but got plenty of beer, we shouldn’t need to worry about anything right? Wrong! The internet is going crazy for TikTok with the popular app aggregating 500 million active monthly users. Kesha has told the future again with her 2009 song “TiK ToK”, which seems a bit like witchcraft to your friendly neighbourhood homosexual. We should keep a close eye on this Mick Jagger loving gal. However, I am more than over this 2019 twelvie fad. Move onto bigger and better things like Minecraft, kids. It’s more wholesome and less cringeworthy.
TikTok is the fastest growing social media trend since Vine. I might sound like an old man when I say this, but isn’t TikTok just a poor man’s version of Vine anyway (which is ironic in itself because Vine went bust)? It’s almost the entirely same format with the only defining feature being that the user base is born post-2000 which is highly concerning. I guess I’m just salty that my Vine channel with 100 followers got sacked for nothing.
It’s not like I have a vendetta against the younger generation, it’s just that they’re not as great, intelligent or loveable as pre-2000’s kids, (a privileged ’98 child here) and my parents will attest to that. I am definitely the favourite child and it’s because I’m the only one that doesn’t have TikTok downloaded. The only way that this app has survived is off the depressing lives of 12-year-olds and their lack of hygiene, grabbing the closest bottle of jack to brush their teeth with for their latest TikTok.
TikTok developers decided to shoot themselves in the foot in the app’s early stages, making the transition from Musical.ly to TikTok back in August 2018. Since then, the app has literally Easter Sunday’ed the shit out of its life by resurrecting on the third day and coming back to slay us all. Our saviour. It’s a horrifyingly accurate analogy.
Other than the prejudice I have against this app, I have no reason for hating TikTok. Everyone is getting absolutely krunk on this new app, boys are trying to touch people’s junk, we’re going to have to slap them if they’re getting underage drunk on this app. The majority of bite-sized videos that I’ve seen involve nothing more than adlibs and clips that make no sense, very similar to Vine’s hectic, short attention span format.
However, TikTok users do get points for one of their trends, my favourite is Americans mocking an Australian classic, H2O: Just Add Water. They put on horrendously hilarious accents that honestly have me wondering if Kesha was right when she mentioned we’ll party on this app till they shut it down on us.
Other than this fad, I really can’t see anyone on this app staying relevant unless they look like Mick Jagger. I would highly recommended that these TikTokers make the transition to YouTube and Instagram quickly like Viners did in early 2018 (because those who didn’t sank with the ship). I can definitely see some of these bigger influencers on TikTok making the transition into other media platforms. It will be extremely interesting to identify how they assimilate, change and curate their cringe content to translate to more curated content platforms such as YouTube, Instagram, Twitter and Facebook. I just hope the content can dynamically adapt to the world’s social media demands and the demand of users. Vine was a great platform that suffered due to its developer’s lack of belief in its content creators. In this case, I truly hope that Kesha hasn’t told the future and that TikTok will reign supreme.
If this app does stick around, I might need to invest my time in one as it seems that the dudes might line up because they hear I’ve got swagger. This could be a viable way to find a perfect boyfriend because as you all know, tick tock on the clock, time is a wasting and I’m not ready to be single all the way up to my quarter quell people.
Who knows, maybe everyone’s phones will blow up sooner or later – Samsung is already on this trend. Let’s all put our hands up and don’t stop “TiK ToK”ing until we see the sunlight on the horizon for TikTok to make its immaculate conception and take over all social media sites for good. Greater miracles have happened. I mean, this app has made Kesha relevant again, right?