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My Myers Briggs identity makes me hate myself

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The Myers Briggs test is known as the most accurate test for figuring out what personality type you are. I have taken the Myers Briggs test multiple times and, in each instance that I conduct the test, I end up with a new personality type – which is the most fun part. I get to learn about the multiple personalities that could be inhabiting my Capricorn, Chinese zodiac ox self that only the stars could bestow on me.

I recently took the Myers Briggs personality test again and found that I am a Campaigner (ENFP-T), and oh boy did this make me feel good, as five minutes ago I was crying in the corner of my closet. Apparently, I tend to be the life of the party and rely on social and emotional interactions. All this is making me feel is very attacked right now while I shovel another rainbow paddle pop into my 54 per cent extroverted mouth. I’m also extremely turbulent (88 per cent to be exact) so if you tell me to jump off a cliff, I will probably listen to you and do it with style.

annoyed basketball wives GIF by VH1 Myers Briggs
via Giphy

One of the best parts about being a part of this Myers Briggs group is knowing that 7 per cent of the world share my exact personality traits. It’s a shame that the majority of the examples of people like me that the test gives me are infinitely more successful than me which just makes me feel like shit. The fact that I am the only one of my tribe who has amounted to nothing in my life is awe-inspiring.

 movie jim carrey liar liar im such a shit GIF Myers Briggs
via Giphy

Honestly, the fact that I am even related in some way to Spiderman is pretty cool – and technically Iron Man too, because Robert Downey Jr is a Campaigner. Does this make me the strongest Avenger? Although, it’s kind of weird to look at Tom Holland through adoring eyes now that I’m officially related to him.

Judging Spider-Man GIF Myers Briggs
via Giphy

Looking on the bright side, at least I can spend my life doing these personality quizzes in an attempt to fill the empty void in my life with some sort of self-worth, and not with food. It’s not all bad, and I still have time to take the Buzzfeed “Which Cake am I?” quiz to make sure that I’m not just a standard, boring, vanilla cake but a fucking red velvet chocolate cake because this bitch is not just some normal flavour.

I’m a Campaigner and I am beautiful. I wonder if my neighbour Dave is a blueberry cheesecake or carrot cake. He just went tanning so I’ll opt for the carrot. He’s a Libra so only a little bit psycho, and he places his crystals outside his house to ward off bad spirits. I like Dave.

That’s another thing, my star sign aligns so well with my Myers Briggs test, it’s like it was always meant to be. It honestly gets me to a tee. I guess the stars just align with me (it says in my star sign biography that I’m likely to do something creative like poetry). I am stubborn and don’t like to forgive people easily, I hold grudges and enjoy playing with barbie dolls (that was in my star sign attributes on findmystarsignlegit.org.co.uk).

playing will and grace GIF Myers Briggs
via Giphy

My horoscope mentioned that this week I would be challenged by a financial decision. This may be because I have owed my parents money that I borrowed for brunch five months ago. Thinking on this, my weekly horoscope is eerily accurate. I guess you could say that my horoscope aligns with a Campaigner’s sheer excitement and pleasure of being in the moment, because I had a great time at that brunch but completely forgot that I owed them money. Let’s face it, I probably won’t pay them that money back as they took away my Gameboy for being naughty. It’s a shame I’m both stubborn and hold grudges, stupid star sign ensuring that my personalities all stay in their own boxes.

One time, a psychic took my palm and told me that I would one day fall in love with someone from a faraway land. I thought she was being an utter bitch who thought I would grow old with just me and my dog who I got from a farm from Western Sydney. But maybe she was right in saying that I would end up with someone from far away. I mean, I’ve technically confirmed it with this personality test.

The thing about all of these philosophical factors is that they are fun and probably don’t control my destiny in life; I am the writer of my own story. Except, I am a grudge-holding Capricorn who can be both extroverted and introverted, who is definitely a little meek and LOVES a good red velvet cake. All in all, I believe that all of these tests and labels are pretty accurate.