When having a conversation about my neighbours, I usually mention them with distaste and with very little infatuation toward their insignificant lives. Gary from next-door is the ass who complained about my dog (that we had to give to a farm, and I have never seen again) when I was 12. I now work with him at my casual job. A few doors down are two girls who are the embodiment of my own personal hell; they happen to be best friends with my sister (such a nice coincidence). Apparently on the other side of my house is a murderer biker dude who isn’t home all too often (jail time?) and across the road is a guy my dad used to go to school with who’s helping renovate our house because he is a tradie but I avoid him because he scares me a little. The crowd surrounding my house isn’t what I would call a ‘close group’ of my best friends by any means.
Technology allows us to transcend traditional physical borders and challenge the old definition of ‘neighbours.’ Now we are able to have neighbours that are next to our phone number. Yes, that’s right, a number neighbour – and the latest internet trend is to conduct a little meet and greet with your own number neighbour. The way this works is kind of like a modern spin on a pen pal; people text the phone numbers that are identical to their own but swap the last digit one unit up or down. For example, my own number (I’m single bois), 12345678, would have the number neighbours 12345679 and 12345677. That’s what a number neighbour is.
My Number Neighbour isn’t very friendly. pic.twitter.com/Sn7AYf0fIN
— BobbyBraveheart 👉 Gimp (@BobbyBraveRL) 3 August 2019
Now, my parents told me not to talk to strangers and didn’t let me get Facebook until I was 15, but did I disobey them? Of course! So even though it’s usually a bad idea to talk to a random person through message, I decided to indulge my wild side. So, I jumped on the number neighbour bandwagon to find some people who might like to interact with me via text message. What got me into this was the number of reaction memes which have been sweeping the Twitter-verse. They’re absolutely insane and the fact that some of these number neighbours are contemplating marriage, meeting up to hang out or calling the police on one another (what’s the worst that could happen?) had me excited to reach out to my own.
So, I messaged my own number neighbours in the hope of finding a boyfriend, finding a friend or even just finding a living thing that will hang out with me to make sure that I am entertained in this miserable life. I was a little scared that they would be angry at me for contacting them but I made the brave decision to hit send and brace myself for the likely ending of this story that would result in me being left on read. My only hope was that the person I was texting wasn’t a serial killer that would track me down for wasting their goddamn time.
I got no response.
They left me on read and this is what got me thinking. What if these people who we think are our number neighbours are actually the aliens from Area 51 trying to gain information and our friendship before they take over earth and kill us all? Look I know its far-fetched, but so was the idea of Trump being in office, and the fact that Australian politicians think that global warming is a conspiracy theory when their head is literally the colour of our burning orange sun (sorry not sorry Pauline).
If you think about it, it makes sense. The next big meme after all the of Area 51 memes is now ‘number neighbours.’ I strongly believe this is the aliens using an intense PR campaign to distract us from the real threat on Australian soil, Area 51 and the looming doomsday that they will bring upon us.
All of our events on Facebook have been forgotten and lost as new memes sweep the nation. Their plans to conquer our earth are becoming more and more sophisticated, and they’ve finally resorted to the power of meme warfare. They have planted a seed in our minds that suggests we need this number neighbour to become valid members of society – this is why so many internet users have caught onto the number neighbour trend. As we talk to these ‘people’ we divulge critical information of our meaningless lives to these aliens who eventually plan to take over. Along with this, what do all aliens head look like? Triangles. I’ll let you all put two and two together *cough* ILLUMINATI ALIENS CONFIRMED.
This is a call to action: we must stop contacting these number neighbours and fight against the aliens from area 51, let’s all rise up! Everyone practice your Naruto-runs, and I’ll see you outside Area 51 in September.