We all remember the iconic noughties rom-com How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, a fun, upbeat film on the hilarious ways to make a guy feel completely unattracted to you and ultimately run for the hills. We’re in the 2000s now and perhaps a little has changed on the method of ‘losing a guy’, but the universal ideology of playing cheeky games to turn them off has not changed a bit. Here are four women’s saucy secrets on showing their guys the exit door, whether they’re clingy, annoying, or simply a fuck boy.
The notorious fuck boy
Urban dictionary definition: “Asshole who is into strictly sexual relationships; he will lead a girl on and let her down, then apologize only to ask for “pics” once the girl has welcomed him back into her trust.” The definition continues for another 400 words describing the menacing fuck boy creature. Bridget* shares with Chattr her favourite, classic method to get rid of the dreaded fuck boy.
“Honestly I’ll just be distant and not responsive and let it phase out. But if I’m casually dating a fuck boy and I’m over it I’ll literally just send a fat it’s not you it’s me text message, so it doesn’t hurt their ‘confidence’. It’s just so much easier that way.” More like cockiness.
Where you’ll find them: At a club, a Sunday sesh event in the city, beach.
The disaster date
There’s nothing like a shitty first date that makes you want to cry on the way home and Ubereats a tub of Ben and Jerry’s Cookie Affair (the new low calorie flavours doesn’t do the trick). Maybe they went on about their ex, or they were too excited to meet you and treated the first date as the first anniversary. However, if you didn’t hear alarm bells the first time and you continuously date for a while, you will at some point begin to realise you’re trapped and he’s just not the type of person you’re into. You’re like mango and cookies; it doesn’t make sense.
Sonia* told Chattr her perfectly harmless ways to get these fellas to flip off.
“The easiest way to push away a guy is to push the envelope as far as you can. The more you dig your claws in, the more they pull away. If he’s annoying, then be the epitome of annoying, triple, quadruple, quintuple text him; tell him that your parents are really looking forward to him joining them for dinner at Christmas when he had no idea he was invited in the first place. Show up with your friends at his boys night out, then drop the L-bomb in front of everyone. And whatever you do, do not under any circumstances sleep with a guy you are trying to get rid of.”
These methods fast track to getting yourself out of these sticky situations.
Where you’ll find them: At libraries trying to pick up girls with the same line and continuously failing.
Unfortunately if you’re working an eight hour shift with the guy that doesn’t seem to take a hint, it can be a little more tricky. As you’re brewing tea for customers while he whispers cringeworthy anecdotes that makes your insides cartwheel, the idea of quitting has definitely come to mind.
Leanne* has had an experience at work with a customer that asked her out that didn’t end up being her type.
“Once I went on a date with a guy that asked me out while I was at work. He was really lovely, but he had never been out of Australia and hated the idea of travelling. That was such a big turn off for me, so I said that he was really nice, but that I wasn’t ready to start dating again because I didn’t want to be like ‘sorry, you’re boring…'”
Where you’ll find them: In your workplace or the barista at your favourite cafe. Totally unavoidable!
With Tinder trolls, Bumble beasts and chat room chimps, it’s inevitable to bump into the creatures of the net at some point when you’re single and curious. However, if you’re appealing to a guy who doesn’t understand the concept of ghosting (as horrible as ghosting is) it’s time to take some serious action. Pull a Blair Waldorf and begin the scheming.
Sasha* shared her horrible (and hilarious) methods to turning off the boys.
“I’ll probably say things like “Oh, I was talking to this guy, he was so cute…” just to really enforce the idea that I’m not into him that way. Or if they keep snapping I’ll respond a snap of a guy posed mysteriously next to me even if that’s just a leg or something (and I’ll usually use a guy mate).”
Where you’ll find them: Tinder, Bumble, World of Warcraft meet ups.
So there you have it girls, the guide to shaking off fuck boys and clingy dates. And for the boys, here’s the cheat sheet. Happy Tindering everyone!