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How to Know When a Friendship is Dead

4 minutes to read

It’s the worst feeling when you’re at an awkward stage in a friendship where you think to yourself ‘is this the end?’ No relationship is identical to another and each has different reasons for not working out in the long run. However, there are generally some big red flags that can signal the end of any friendship. Here is a check list of the red flags that your friendship has reached its expiry date:

A Lack of Effort

It’s true that with some friends, it doesn’t matter how much time passes without seeing one another, it still feels like nothing has changed. However, in more high maintenance friendships, this is completely different. If one of you doesn’t make the first move to text and catch up, you start to feel salty and feel like they’re lacking in effort. However, it is a two-way street – if you haven’t messaged them either, then maybe you need to make an effort as well. There are exceptions to this red flag: people do genuinely get busy and don’t always have time to socialise! But if this is an ongoing pattern and your friend is ignoring you and not taking the time to even reply with an apology, then maybe this isn’t working out anymore.

They’re Suddenly the Bitchy Sister In 27 Dresses in the scene where she cuts up Mum’s wedding dress

In other words, they’ve done something to betray you. If it’s something that you don’t believe you two can ever recover from, like they hooked up with an ex or shared something to other people that you told them in confidence, they might not be the right fit for you. Just like a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, your best mate breaking your trust is also a massive deal-breaker.

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They’re Unsupportive

You have dreams to go overseas for exchange or you decide to go out with that hot guy who works at the cafe down the road who accidentally misread your name on your coffee cup (a beautiful cliche), but your friend just won’t support it. Any of it. Honestly, this type of behaviour and reaction is usually steaming off jealousy. This red flag also comes with exceptions – so talk to them. Maybe they don’t want you to leave them for Europe for a semester because they will feel left behind. Maybe they don’t want you to go out with sexy barista boy because you’ll start spending more time with him rather than her.

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They’re Hot & Cold

Similar to our favourite on-screen friendships like Blair & Serena, Janice & Cady and Ron & Harry, your friendship dynamics might also be flying on the hot and cold radar. When it’s good, it’s amazing. When it’s bad, it’s hell on fire –  times infinity. If the friendship is worth it, it’s best to put yourselves into friendship counselling – and by that, I mean start to really talk, without hesitation or cringing on the whole “getting deep” part. Have an open discussion and see if this friendship is too toxic to handle, or if there’s still time to save it.

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They Value Worth Over ‘The Thought That Counts’

A classic example of this type of shitty behaviour is that awful feeling they give you when get them a birthday present and they only seem to half appreciate it. You start to think back to what you received from them for your 21st and start comparing and worrying. In the end you’re asking yourself “are they a better friend than I am?”, when really the answer is a big fat no. Friends that make you feel guilty when you shouldn’t be are actually being manipulative. You might want to steer clear.

It’s always worth trying to save a friendship before immediately throwing it into the trash. Remember the reason you two became friends in the first place and why things may have changed for the two of you. As Blair would say “Have a little faith, and if that doesn’t work, have a lot of mimosas.”