We’ve all suffered a horrible first date while waiting for that “emergency call” from a friend” to get the hell out of there!
We went out and found the worst Valentine’s Day stories that you might want to read and suffice to say, they’re pretty cringe. Sit back, relax and grab some chocolate just in time for Valentine’s Day because we have some shocker first date stories for you!
P.S Valentine’s Day sucks for 50% of the population, so let’s morally support this with shitty first date yarns to make ourselves feel good.
The One to Fall Asleep While Making Out
This tale of love starts on his birthday. There are some drinks, making out in the pool up naked before passing out in bed. Awkward.
“I just kind of waited there with no clue what to do. I started slowly trying to peel myself from under him when he woke up tried to touch me again and fell asleep with [his] hand still on [my] boob, and one on my lady parts too. I ended up giving him a kiss goodbye, then had to walk all through his house in the dark trying to find my clothes.”
Who knew growling was so mainstream?
“Had a first Tinder date growl at me when we were making out in the car. Like a proper guttural snarl – scared the crap out of me. And I just kind of went with it as I didn’t want him to get more aggressive. Blocked him as soon as I got in my house. Also he was 28 and a tragic kisser. There was no build up or anything, very embarrassing.”
The Big Mouth
Not in a good way.
“Well, out of three dates, two were bad with this guy.. The first was fine seeing as I said I’ll pay for my own dinner. The second date was at the movies, he didn’t pay for me and was kind of touchy. The third consisted of going out to dinner, not paying for my spag bol which was $10, and denying me dessert because it was unhealthy even though he consumed a large pizza on his own. Asked if my mum was hot and called my dad a sleaze because he worked in the car industry.”
Straight Up Awkward
Can you be any more awkward?
“So it was the first time I’d gone on a date in a few years after getting out of a long-term relationship. He picked me up, I got really, really drunk and we went dancing at some clubs. It was NOT PG dancing either. We went back to his place and started going at it. Prior to this, I been in love with everyone I’d been with, so this was very different. Anyway, he stopped, and I got super anxious,
freaked myself out and was like ‘OKAY BYE SEEYA’ right in the middle of sex. Poor guy.”
However, the story does have a semi-sweet ending.
“We saw each other again after that and it was much, much better.”
Know which one to swipe for, gals.
“I went on my first EVER date with a guy from Tinder I’d been talking to for a few months. I was really nervous — we were going for coffee in the morning. He picked me up, looked me up and down, and I instantly felt uncomfortable, like he was judging me. We went to coffee, and the conversation was actually the worst. I was being funny and charming and he barely said anything. He dropped me off, and then never spoke to me ever again. Asshole still checks my Snapchat stories though.”
*Names are changed just fyi.
“When I was 15, I was asked on a date to the movies by this guy who I liked called ‘Lucas’. First of all, he missed the bus so he was almost an hour late. While I was waiting for him, I ran into a friend of mine who I hadn’t told about the date. I had only said that I was headed to see the movie with a friend. She replies,, ‘Oh, Lucas actually asked me on a date to that movie today, but I had to work instead.’
“Turns out I was the back-up plan.”
Netflix and Run Away
There was no chill with this guy.
“The date was on the other side of the city, and being from the suburbs, I got lost and was 20 minutes late When I arrived, he asked if I wanted something to eat, before telling me that he had been at the pub with his mates and had already eaten. He was verging on drunk, but I had driven and was completely sober. A band started playing and it got awkwardly loud so we decided to go somewhere else.
“As I didn’t know where I was going, I had parked 20 minutes away. After walking back to the car, I decided to drive him home; I thought I could just pull up out the front of his house and say goodbye. However, he lived in an apartment block on a busy road, so I ended up driving into the underground car park where he invited me inside. With no other polite option, I accepted his invitation and ended up suffering through a terrible Netflix movie until my roommate was able to ring and fake an ‘emergency medical situation’.
“There ended up being no bill to pay because he had already eaten and I felt rude!”
Have some boundaries, mate.
“The guy was immediately holding my leg in the car driving there and the
entire time he was trying to stand as close to me as possible and holding my hand (note: I’d only met him once before so this wasn’t solicited). At dinner he opens his phone to look at movie times that we can go to after when I see he had a picture of me he’d screenshotted off my Instagram as his screensaver.
“By the time we had walked back to his car after leaving the restaurant he had changed it after seeing how uncomfortable it made me feel. Safe to say I didn’t go on another date with that one.”
“It was just so awkward. We’d met at a friend’s party, had been texting back and forth and went for coffee. He showed up in a suit. Not business-like, but casual – and still a suit. Then he started singing to me at the bus stop when I was going home. It was so uncomfortable.
“He still likes all my Instagram pics even though we haven’t spoken in two years.”
“He told me that his room smells really bad because he never cleans it and his mum refuses to… he also told me he kills baby lambs regularly.
We were having sushi and it was just wrong. He tried to kiss me while we lined up to pay.”
Can’t get any more Aussie than that.
“Got dressed up – you know the drill: hair, makeup, heels, etc – and he picks me up and takes me to Maccas.
“I mean, Maccas, c’mon! Not much else to tell – he didn’t get McFlurried that night – and no second date either.”
The One Who Was Racist
“A girl kept thinking I was Japanese (I’m not) despite my three attempts to correct her. So I just gave up and started to mess with her by saying you couldn’t use your right hand to eat food because that was rude. Seeing her try to use the chopsticks with her left hand was that night’s most enjoyable moment.”
The classic tale: stood up and ghosted. What fun.
“It all seemed to be going well – unusually well, for me! For the first time in ages, I saw all the tell tale signs that she was interested. We were bantering up a storm, that banter continued in the Messenger chats that followed. She jumped at the opportunity to go get chocolate together a few days later… Even though I wasn’t “looking for anything”, it was pretty much everything I could have asked for.
“Then the day came along. 4:30pm, I check messages to make sure there wasn’t a change of plans. No change, all good, make my way over just before 5pm and chill. And wait. And wait longer. Resist
urge to frantically check phone every few seconds. Stay cool. 5:45pm and I get my phone back out – only I can’t see her messages any more because she had blocked me.”