*Cue Game of Thrones theme song vocalisations*
Sorry, I couldn’t help myself. There are only four more sleeps until the premiere of Game of Thrones Season 7.
What can I say, I’m pumped. Are you?!
Some people have waited 20 years for Daenerys to toddle over to Westeros. Twenty years – imagine that. The few months extended waiting period is agonisingly long enough.
While we’re waiting to hear the beautiful static noise and following “Ahhh” sound of the HBO sting, I thought we might delve into this upcoming season’s episode descriptions to see if we could unpack any of the details.
As with every previous season, they are vague AF. So, let’s see what we as loyal, devoted fans of the show can work out.
SPOILER WARNING for anyone who wants to know absolutely nothing going into S7.
Fair warning: I also could be a psychic.
Episode 1 – Dragonstone
“Jon organizes the defense of the North. Cersei tries to even the odds. Daenerys comes home.”
Episode 1, aptly titled Dragonstone, will see Daenerys return to her ancestral seat of Dragonstone (as we have seen in the trailers). It’s an island off the east coast where the Targaryen Lords first set up home in Westeros before Aegon the Conqueror, well… conquered. You might also remember it as the home of Stannis Baratheon and his family, long ago before home-wrecker Melisandre came along.
Jon organises the defence of the North, standard kingly stuff really. Expect lots of Jon Snow broodiness and hopefully, we’ll get some scenes with Jon coming face-to-face with Littlefinger. It doesn’t look like Jon will be off beyond the wall just yet.
Now we can’t forget Cersei; she has to be the most hated person in Westeros right now, beating both Ramsay and Joffrey, the definitive villains of seasons past. She’s going to need some powerful allies and be swift about it if she plans to hold onto her crown. Could she be looking to make an alliance with Euron Greyjoy perhaps?
Pilou Asbæk, the actor who plays the Ironborn King, has said recently his character will make “Ramsay look like a little kid.”
Episode 2 – Stormborn
“Daenerys receives an unexpected visitor. Jon faces a revolt. Tyrion plans the conquest of Westeros.”
An unexpected visitor, don’t you just hate that? She’s only just moved into her sweet new pad and she’s already got nosy neighbours coming over for a cuppa.
The visitor’s identity is anybody’s guess. Some lord might come along to beg for mercy and surrender before the war begins in earnest? Littlefinger come to sow deceit already?
Or maybe even this bastard (literally).
Gendry was last
seen rowing away from Dragonstone in an effort to escape the Red Priestess. Tides are a funny thing y’know.
Seems like Jon’s been ‘Da king in da Norf’ for all of two seconds and the man’s already facing a revolt. It’s just Jon’s thing, we all remember how the last one turned out:
While all of this will be going on, our mate Tyrion (who we must remember is the Hand of the Queen) is plotting some sweet, sweet revenge against his family and the kingdom that so relentlessly beat him down time and time again. Maybe he’ll send a dragon or two to melt down the Lannister fortune.
This will definitely be Daenerys’ episode though; we mustn’t forget she is the Stormborn for whom the episode is named.
Episode 3 – The Queen’s Justice
“Daenerys holds court. Cersei returns a gift. Jaime learns from his mistakes.”
We’ve got two queens ready to dish out some justice but if I had to take a guess, I’m going to say it’s Cersei who will be doling out some punishment.
This one seems to be the most mysterious as it appears to be a Lannister-focused episode. What “gift” is Cersei returning and to whom… we all know she’s not sending back an ill-fitting T-shirt for store credit. She’ll be doing some kind of deliciously evil thing like those we’ve grown to love her for.
Jaime, it seems, might be on course for his redemption arc this year. We’ve seen glimmers of his good nature (debatable) in past seasons; he did once kill the Mad King to prevent him from blowing up King’s Landing and Cersei’s gone and done just that. Perhaps he is brother and lover no more. Gods, that sentence was gross to type out. Someone get me some eye drops stat!
There you have it, folks. Lots of crackpot theories and thoughts to mull over before bed each night on your countdown to the premiere.
I, for one, am just about ready to go insane. Four sleeps, just four sleeps…
Game of Thrones returns for its penultimate season on July 17. Catch it live on Foxtel (showcase) at 11am, Foxtel Now afterwards, or the repeat at 8.30pm.
Get ready, Winter Is Here.
BONUS: WATCH Kit Harington’s Never-Before-Seen Game of Thrones Audition – brought to you by Jimmy Kimmel Live!