Hold your loved ones close and align your chakras immediately. Your star sign is a lie and presumably all kinds of cosmic hell are about to break loose.
Earlier this year NASA‘s blog for children, The Space Place, announced that there is in fact a THIRTEENTH star sign in astrology, a lil’ snakey guy named Ophiuchus.
How did our top astrologers with all their extensive training get this wrong? Well turns out the ancient Babylonians (the guys who came up with our zodiac) always originally had 13 star signs, but their year was 12 months long. Rather than do some simple division to fit our snake-wrestling pal in, they pretty much just went “fuck it” (or the Babylonian equivalent) and cut poor Ophiuchus from the team.
These drastic revelations have been causing quite a stir online with people freaking out, and professional astrologers (this is a thing apparently) are outraged that NASA would actually apply science to the zodiac.
WHAT IS THIS ABOUT EVERYONE'S ZODIAC SIGNS SHIFTING??? APPARENTLY I'M NO LONGER A LEO?! WHAT IS THIS HELP
— Landry Bender (@landrybender) September 18, 2016
I'm gonna need an official statement from nasa because this zodiac sign rumor change is physically hurting me pls and thx
— senster (@senjastweets) September 16, 2016
Poor NASA has even had to defend itself, saying that it published the article as a fun way to show children that unlike astronomy, astrology has no scientific basis. Come on NASA, that’s such a Scorpio thing to do.
Back to the important questions though – who exactly qualifies as a Ophiuchus and what does that mean? If you were born between November 29 and December 17 then congratulations! You no longer have to relate to a half-man half-horse dude, but to a dude and his pet snake! Yay!
Ophiuchus guys and gals are supposed to be honest, creative, charismatic and love praise, but they’re also jealous, irresponsible, promiscuous and prone to procrastination. So basically they’re exactly how The Daily Telegraph likes to describe millenials.
Even if you’re not an Ophiuchus, you still might want to to re-check your star sign if you’re a horoscope fan. Adding a 13th sign to the mix has kind of pushed everyone around a bit and god forbid you be caught wearing the wrong crystal necklace for your sign.
Here’s the updated list of zodiac dates:
Capricorn: Jan 20 – Feb 16
Aquarius: Feb 16 – March 11
Pisces: March 11 – April 18
Aries: April 18 – May 13
Taurus: May 13 – June 21
Gemini: June 21 – July 20
Cancer: July 20 – Aug 10
Leo: Aug 10 – Sept 16
Virgo: Sept 16 – Oct 30
Libra: Oct 30 – Nov 23
Scorpio: Nov 23 – Nov 29
Ophiuchus: Nov 29 – Dec 17
Sagittarius: Dec 17 – Jan 20