I’m not saying this to be mean. But for the sake of your friends, family, and your future romantic partners, please stop talking about your exes to us. For the love of God.
It’s okay (and normal) to vent about your broken heart, especially if it’s just happened. As your support system, we want to be there for you in your time of need and will gladly feed you ice cream and take you out drinking until five in the morning. But when you become unable to stop mentioning your ex every five seconds, it’s hard to refrain from rolling our eyes and plastering an ‘I’m dead inside’ look on our faces.
As your friends, we want to see you move on from the guy or girl who took your heart and smashed it into a million pieces. We understand that it will take time – especially if it was a long term relationship – but it’s frustrating for us to see you getting hung up on what used to be. Especially if it’s been more than a few weeks.
I’m not trying to suggest that there’s a time limit for ‘moving on’. Everyone gets over heartbreak at different speeds, but we at least want to see you try. ‘Moving on’, does not mean calling your ex at 2am just to see how they’re doing. That is the furthest thing from ‘moving on’ as you can get.
But maybe you don’t want to move on. Maybe you want to eat ice cream and cry your eyes out at Facebook photos of the two of you. And that’s fine, but it’s not really moving on with your life. It’s getting hung up and stuck in the past. As your friends, we love you and are here for you, but there’s only so much we can do. You have to want to move on. If potential romantic partners start mentioning that you ‘might not be completely over your ex’, that’s a definite sign that you should stop talking about your ex to them. Or anyone really.
As a future romantic partner it really sucks when you’ve found a babe that you like and they just can’t seem to shut up about their ex. It brings forth a huge mess of insecurities and second guessing which isn’t exactly ideal for starting new relationships. You start thinking ‘Oh, can I say this or are they going to bring up their ex again?’. Talk about unnecessary stress. Dating in the 21st century is difficult enough as it is (thanks Tinder) and mentioning your exes non-stop is enough to make people want to avoid dating you all together.
I used to think it was common knowledge that you don’t talk about your exes, particularly with someone that is into you. In the past few weeks however I’ve found out not everyone adheres to that rule. Communication is key, but when it’s not someone you’re dating – just someone you want to date – mentioning the ex girlfriend or boyfriend makes you look…needy. Insecure. Clingy. You’re not, but it’s important to leave the past behind and learn to love yourself first. You never know – your next relationship could be the one.