It’s episode seven of FBoy Island Australia and we’ve picked up from where we last left off during episode six.

ICYMI: It was revealed that Stache-Boy Vernon was actually an Fboy. While we saw it from a mile away, he was the one to actually tell Molly because he thinks she’s a bit alright.

While he thought he’d come on the show and the women would be “clout chasers”, he didn’t think that he’d actually like any of them, so in a weak moment admitted his truth.

But that wasn’t the only bombshell dropped. To “even the playing field”, host Abbie Chatfield said that since we know he was f**kheadboy, and Cuddle Bear Nick was a Nice Guy, errrrrrrryone now had to share what their status was and yes, that includes YOU, Grand High FBoy (GHFB) Caleb!

“I’m dead,” he says. “I’m f**king outta here, man,” he said and see ya!

That brings us to the most current episode and everyone is positively SHOOKETH.

FBoy and Nice Guy Reveal

Finally, after a week of waiting, the results were as follows:

• GHFB Caleb — a “good” FBoy (no s**t) and Ziara was PISSSSSSSSED.
• Draco Malfoy a.k.a Justin — Nice Guy (WTAF) and Brit Benny was PISSSSSSSSED
• Hot Name Izaya — Nice Guy. Dah.
• Brit Benny — Nice Guy, sorta dah!
• aCToR Cory — Nice Guy. WTAF?!
• Male entertainer a.k.a “I’ve been on TV before” a.k.a TV Star Sean— FBoy. LELs.
• Who da fuq is Ben — Fboy
• Who da fuq is Josh — Nice Guy
• “I’ve got a GF” Clay — FBoy
• Brown-eyed Bae Joshy — Ni….FBoy?!?!?!?! NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. This is absolutely not OK.

Our jaws are on ze floor.

Now that everyone’s f**kery has been revealed, the elimination became a moot point and the women stormed off to decompress.

The next day…

TBH, the reveal has left us feeling a little deflated because working out who was an FBoy was truly part of the fun… and now, da boiz have divided themselves into two camps.

Over in Camp Nice Guy, Cuddle Bear Nick expresses his concern that the FBoys will do whatever they can to stay on the island; while Draco Malfoy a.k.a Justin — who we STILL cannot believe is a Nice Guy — is feelin’ preeeetty good right now.

Meanwhile, precisely two metres away in Camp FBoy, “I’ve got a GF” Clay tells the others that it’s “redemption time for us boiz”.

Joshy (who needs a new nickname because we simply cannot and will not) defends himself by saying that he’s still a good person regardless if he came onto the island to trick a woman into thinking he’s into her when really he just wants her money…..

Just like during the bombshell elimination, he once again tries to convince the guys he’s reeeeally into Sophie and frankly, we have no idea whether to believe him or not. Sad face.

While Brown Eyed FBoy Joshy (we’re too tired and sad to think of anything else) is talking about how he’s a changed man or whatever, GHFB Caleb turns the conversation around to be about himself.

“Z is mad because she likes me,” he says and no mate, she’s mad because she effing trusted you!

“I’m not going out without a fight,” he revealed to the cameras, but seriously, start packing bro, you’re headed to Limbro any goddamn second.

Molly, Sophie and Ziara debrief

After a spot of yoga on the beach to cleanse their souls, Molly, Sophie and Ziara debrief with Abbie.

Sophie says everything is “different” and admits she was surprised by Draco Malfoy a.k.a Justin being a Nice Guy. Ziara was confused over Cory, who despite being an ~aCToR~, is a Nice Guy, but still, no one knows how old he is…

Then the topic turned to Brown Eyed FBoy Joshy. Sophie admits that she “can’t help who you have a connection with” and still has feelings for him, but as a result of his admission, she now has mega-trust iss-ues.

Then the talk turned to our Grandest of FBoys, Caleb.

“Caleb really pissed me off,” Ziara says. “But I got that fired up because I really like him.” No, girl. No.

“FBoys can be reformed,” Abbie then said with a faint hint of sarcasm and a slight optimism.

Since Stache-Boy Vernon volunteered the information about his status OFF-CAMERA (which is how we got into this mess in the first place), Molly giggles at the prospect that they could still be a thing but admits it scares her that he’ll just take her money.

Possibly the best thing to come out of their whole chat was Abbie asking if Cuddle Bear Nick’s other nickname was “Big Fat C**k” and basically, “Big D**k Nick” is now null and void.

Meanwhile, in Limbro….

TBF, we completely forgot about the guys in Limbro, yet here we are.

Abbie took the discarded rejects through a Trust Fall exercise where they had to apologise for being d**kheads. Unfortunately, not one person sounded sincere.

Group Date = Douche Tank

Back on the island, it was time for a Group Date where a Douche Tank was set up, presumably for revenge. The aim was for the ladies to ask da boiz questions and if they “tank”, they got douched.

GHFB was up first and Ziara should’ve just douched him straight away. Instead, Abbie asks him to tell her Ziara’s star sign. Unsurprisingly, he nails it because good FBoys listen to reel you in before unceremoniously ghosting you. Even though he got it right, “Z” drops him like a hot potato anyway.

Hot name Izaya nails his question, aCToR Cory does too and ol’ mate Who da fuq is Josh says his favourite sex position is “Reverse cowgirl, because it hits the best spots and you can get a good ‘ol reach around”.

Abbie describes it as possibly “the most interesting thing” he’s ever said, probably because it’s the only thing he’s ever said…

Next up was *Big Mouth (*new name) Vernon — who was also called “Big D*ck” (we want to know what they were being fed) — who said that he told Molly he was an FBoy because he “liked her” while… IN BED?! WUT?! This guy has no filter so he was dunked.

Cuddle Bear then said he was more “mature” than Big Mouth before Clay was dumped for having a Bali GF.

Sophie wet Draco Justin because she wanted to see him glisten while Brown-eyed FBoy Joshy stayed dry, although she doesn’t trust him.

The Mixer

Once again, GHFB Caleb spoke about “Z” with Brit Benny, revealing he thinks he was going to be on the “chopping board” for elimination.

At the mixer, Sophie apologises to Draco Malfoy a.k.a Justin but couldn’t care to speak to “I’ve got a GF” Clay.

Meanwhile, Ziara and GHFB had a conversation where he said: “I am a good man. My intentions are pure” and frankly, this guy couldn’t lie straight in bed! He then added that he knows how “to wiggle” himself back in.

“With my words,” he said.

Naturally, Ziara fell for it and GHFB Caleb just proved he has a PhD in talking to women.

Sophie and Justin share a kiss while Ziara takes aCToR Cory for a chat. She questions him about why he left such a big part of his life out… because he’s an aCToR, beb.

After a montage of everyone getting more and more sunburnt, Sophie finally takes Brown Eyed FBoy Joshy for a chat. He tells her he didn’t think he’d actually meet someone “in here”.

In a convo with Molly, Big Mouth Vernon says I’m “not here to f**k spiders”, which basically means he is… and we still cannot figure out if he’s sincere or not. She then talks to Nick who says he’s jelly of Big Mouth and Molly admits to the cameras that Big Mouth has an edge over Cuddle Bear, particularly when Nick “doesn’t have the balls” to put everything “on the line”….except for when he makes out with her in front of everyone.

While they tried to remain inconspicuous, TV Star Sean sees them mack on and goes green with envy, before saying: “There’s not much there between me and Holly. I mean Molly. F**k, do not air that.” LEL.

The Elimination

The girls arrive all dolled up in Barbiecore to face the “legit Nice Guys and confirmed FBoys”.

After tonight’s Elim, there will be a top three for each gal.

Molly puts Who da fuq is Ben and TV Star Sean into her bottom two, Sophie puts “I’ve got a GF” Clay and….Clay in the firing line and Ziara puts Who da fuq is Josh and GHFB Caleb.

Clay says he “came in as an FBoy and will leave an FBoy”, pointing out that the only thing he’s learned is to “up his social media game”. Boi, bye!

TV Star Sean then calls Molly out for kissing Big Mouth and Cuddle Bear to presumably save himself or whatever, which goes down like a goddamn lead balloon.

Ziara is undecided whether she should keep an absolute FBoy or a Nice Guy, so obviously, she gets rid of the Nice Guy (Josh) and Molly chooses to get rid of Who da Fuq is Ben.

Well, then.

Stream FBoy Island Australia 2023 on Binge.

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