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10 Minor Inconveniences to Wish Upon Your Enemies that Won’t Make You a Bad Person

Mariah Carey, our eternal Aries optimist, is famous for singing “all I want for Christmas is you”. How cute. But if you’re not as nice, nor festive, as Mariah, maybe your Christmas wish is the same as mine – revenge on those who did you wrong in 2019.

 

I’m not a bad person, okay. That lady who yelled at me at work? I don’t want her to die. I don’t want her to contract a terminal disease. I just want her to experience some mild discomfort in return for her rudeness. That asshole who stole my parking spot last week when I’d been indicating for it for a solid three minutes? I don’t want his house to be infested by termites, but it’d be nice if he stepped on his kids’ Lego or something. See? I’m fucking nice.

 

If you have some karma credit to dish out this Christmas, look no further. Here are ten minor inconveniences, courtesy of Reddit, to wish upon your enemies that won’t make you a bad person:

 

Get stuck at every single red light on your way to work

 

angry seth meyers GIF by Late Night with Seth Meyers enemies

 

In a rush? Goddamn boo, that’s too bad. Bonus satisfaction if your enemy speeds through a yellow light and cops a hefty fine on a double demerit day. It’ll be more satisfying than your Gran’s Christmas pudding, trust me.

 

One cold spot in every bowl of microwaved food

 

hungry eddie murphy GIF enemies

 

Trying to reheat your nachos, Karen? I hope you get a mouthful of cold mince, and your cheese doesn’t melt properly.

 

Never able to find a pen that works

 

 nerd brian breakfast club pen in nose GIF enemies

 

Are you on an important phone call, desperately needing to write something down? Ain’t that a shame. Do you need to write a shopping list? Looks like you’re going to forget a vital ingredient.

 

Every website forgets your password – every time

 

angry henry van loon GIF by Videoland enemies

 

Have fun resetting your Gmail password every second day. You’d better brush up on your mother’s maiden name because security questions are going to be all over you like herpes.

 

 

Have the ‘eyelash stuck in your eye’ feeling 24/7

 

beyonce smile GIF enemies

 

Happy blinking. It won’t be this sexy, I promise.

 

 

Consistently running out of toilet paper when you, uh, really need it

 

creepy toilet GIF enemies

 

Bonus joy if this happens somewhere super inconvenient, like at work or your in-laws’ place.

 

 

 

The need to sneeze, but the inability to do so

 

happy endings and the back of eliza coupes head GIF enemies

 

You might need a plan B for breathing, Brenda.

 

 

A perpetual collection of small rocks stuck inside your shoes

 

tripping over stan marsh GIF by South Park enemies

 

Despite taking your shoes off and shaking them outside, there’s always going to be a sneaky, sharp pebble nestled somewhere inside your shoe. Hey, at least it’s not glass. We’re not that mean.

 

 

Your shoelaces never stay tied

 

Shoelaces GIF by sheepfilms enemies

 

 

Trippin’ on acid? Not this Christmas – there are lacier threats at hand. If you’re into your Converse hi-tops or Doc Martens, you’re in for a bad time.

 

 

Your sleeves slip down every time you’re washing your hands and stay damp and mouldy all day

 

water street GIF enemies

 

Especially if this happens on a cold day, you’re screwed. Just remember, you deserve this pain. It’s someone’s Christmas wish. Joy to the World.

Do you have any minor inconvenience ideas to wish upon your enemies? Let us know in the comments below!

 

 

Images via Giphy