We’ve all been there. Where? Pissed as hell and dancing like a maniac…somewhere. You’ve forgotten where exactly.
Although there is not a consistent point where one can judge the time to quit drinking and switch to water, here are some situations where the H20 should not only be desired, but sought after with the suave yet rabid gusto of Indiana Jones.
- You’ve run out of money in your bank account.
- You’ve run out of your friend’s money. And their patience.
- Your aim is so bad at the urinal that you’re missing the urinal right in front of you. For the ladies, you believe that the toilet is a urinal.
- You find a new level of the club. And by new level, I mean you’ve found yourself inside an air conditioning duct.
- Your pupils are so large and letting in so much light, you can’t see a tunnel anymore, only the light.
- You start hallucinating.
- Your hallucinations begin to morph your friends into the shapes of camels and with every music lyric strangely becoming the same three words — “Great Artesian Basin.”
- You’re grinding on the wrong person, or the wrong person is grinding on you, but you don’t care anymore.
- You begin to hear David Attenborough commentating your night, and particularly your dance moves in the style of a nature documentary.
- You shomit.
- You call your ex.
- You begin to cry.
- You call your ex’s ex.
- You start to think that perhaps Shannon Noll wasn’t robbed in 2003.
- You try to plug your phone into the DJ decks to play some tunes.
- You are thinking about how much you’d like a kebab. Without garlic sauce.
- Bear Grylls is in your ear. Talking about piss.