Well, it’s been fun people, but seven episodes later and we’re finally here. It’s the end of the experiment and decision time for the couples and nail biting, edge-of-your-seat drama for you. Well, relived through me who is vicariously living through the relationships of other. You’re welcome.
With D Day approaching, Xavier decides to pull out all stops and take Simone on a date …to a soccer game. Yes, this should give her the romance she craves. Luckily, Simone is trying to be optimistic and is attempting to hype herself up, which shouldn’t be too hard considering her low expectation starting point. “My levels of excitement today are probably a 5/10. That’s not very excited, is it?” No, Simone. No it’s not.
Xavier insists it’s romantic since it’s “not something [he] would invite just anyone to,” despite the fact that it’s a public event and they’re surrounded by thousands of strangers.
On her last night in his house, Xavier makes a last ditch effort and splurges on some Woolies flowers and Crust pizza, to really woo his lady. Now is truly the 11th hour…
In the country, Mark tries to pull some magic trick mumbo jumbo by setting up a beautiful picnic in his field for he and Christie. Obviously trying to create some sort of optical illusion to confuse Christie into miraculously loving the country, he rolls away a bale of hay to reveal his surprise. Christie loved the picnic, but remained unconvinced on everything else.
Their relationship is actually really sad since they seem to genuinely like each other so much and are just victims of circumstance. If a shitty highschool drama club doesn’t adapt this into Romeo and Juliette then honestly, what exactly ARE we teaching the children of today?
In a display of absolute, miserable love, Mark says that he wouldn’t want to be with Christie if it meant she was unhappy at the farm. “Even if that means saying goodbye?” Asks the offscreen Channel 9 lackey. “Yea. Even if that means saying goodbye,” he solemnly replies. The next five seconds are a slow zoom in on Mark’s watery eyes, just in case you weren’t feeling COMPLETELY sad for the guy.
Everyone’s just kind of bummed out, even my favs, Erin and Bryce. While still maintaining their delightfully witty banter, the two have a kind of melancholy tone and it’s totally harshing on my vibe, man. Erin laments, “I hope he’s not upset about this whole children topic.” Aw honey, it’s kind of a big deal.
Now, after being with each other constantly for a month, the couples must move back out to their own places for a week and regroup for their final decision.
“NOW THEY MUST DECIDE WHETHER TO STAY, OR WALK AWAY,” screams Channel 9.
Enter our first couple on the chopping block: Simone and Xavier.
On the morning of