Ahhh, the elusive fancy grown up dinner party. It’s the staple of every adult, sophisticated friend group (or so I’ve heard) and the next step for our couples, because apparently in order to know if your relationship is working, you need to compare yourself to three other dysfunctional couples.
This week the couples continue to live in some weird, fairy-land reality of a relationship, which is way less fun than it sounds. After the stress of living together for a full week, the couples are getting away for the weekend.
Now, one may wonder how, after 4 episodes ranging over weeks of the couples’ lives, how could one dinner stretch through a whole episode? Honestly, with the amount of drama dished up this episode, I’m impressed they compressed it down to 60 mins. Tonight’s main meal: awkward public fights with strangers. And some spinach ricotta thing.
This episode doesn’t fuck around, letting you know what’s up straight away when Simone makes the offhanded remark to Xavier that “it would be so awkward going into this dinner if your relationship isn’t on track.” Oh Simone, you have NO idea.
The most metaphorical shot in television history takes place as Clare drives past a scenic stop sign reading Honeymoon Lookout. Channel Nine is getting deep.
Jono and Clare are meeting back up for the first time since their split …2 days ago. Acting as though they had been separated for months and no longer have anything in common (apart from both being stupid enough to expect lasting relationships from a television show), the two go about pretending nothing has happened, their signature coping mechanism. Just as it looks like Jono is wondering whether or not it would be easier to just flip Clare over the balcony rather than discuss what happened, he pops the question every girl dreams of hearing: “So where are you at?”
After the two predictably begin fighting again (good job with this match, experts) they decide this is it and split for good and I’m mad that I’m actually kind of sad. I’ll blame it on the fact that I’m not a complete sociopath and have SOME empathy left. These awful people will be alone forever! Although it’s probably for the best if the gene line ends here…
Over at Simone and Xavier’s place, the couples have started arriving, meeting each other, sizing up the love between couples, comparing happiness, all kinds of healthy stuff. As the couples bask in how gosh-darn pleased they all are, Xavier laughs, “we wouldn’t like to be the couple that didn’t work out.” Oh Xavier, don’t you worry.
Christie is already complaining about the distance she has to travel to stay with Mark and keeps passive aggressively bringing it up. It seems like they’ll be that couple but then Jono arrives and it’s suddenly like comparing apples and oranges. If the apples wanted to kill each other.
Jono arrives alone and everyone is immediately like ‘wut’. But, in true Jono fashion, the issue