Having attended quite a few festivals this summer, I was pleased to see that the culture hasn’t dwindled despite many festivals calling it quits on Australia. Luckily, those good vibes never change. On the topic of things that never change, I’d like to take a moment to recognise that people are one of them. If you’ve been to a festival or two in your time than surely you will have noticed it too. There are just some personalities you are guaranteed to come across regardless of what kind of show you’re at. These are the 9 types of people at every festival ever…
- The Stereo Shredders
We all know these guys… the large muscles, the tanned skin, the short shorts and TN’s. They’re the type of person who buys a brand new Everlast shirt only to take it off within the first five minutes. A festival is more than just the music and a good time to them, it’s a prime opportunity to flaunt what they got, and flaunt it they do. These guys can often be found in packs, “scoping out the chicks, bro” or simply getting their gabber on. Warning: males should approach with caution as this species is prone to territorial acts of violence.
- The Itty Bitty Titty Committee
Don’t let the name confuse you, itty bitty is a reference to the level of boob coverage, not the breast size itself. Much like the Stereo Shredders these girls use festivals as their chance to finally fulfill their semi-nudist ambitions. Wearing nothing but a tube top, a dainty bikini or in some cases nipple stickers this group spends the majority of their time riding on the shoulders of kind gentlemen, trying desperately to be seen on the big screen. But hey, I guess if you’ve got it, you’re fully entitled to rock it.
- The 18’s and Under
If you have had the “pleasure” of attending an all age event then you will know exactly the group I am referring to. Also known as the twelvies, members of this group are often spotted inappropriately grinding on each other, talking loudly through sets and purchasing No-doz for $40 because they are “totally gunna be peeking later”. Like a leaner driver, it’s best just to distance yourself.
- The Stevie Nicks
Long wavy hair… Check
Flowing garment… Check
John Lennon glasses… Check
Bedazzled eyebrows, a peace sign tattoo and an overwhelming urge to tell people you were born in the wrong era… Check!
- The 90’s Raver
You know, that one person who doesn’t seem to know what year it is or that it is the middle of the day and not actually a rave? Adorning themselves with 100 necklaces, 50 glow sticks, high visibility pants and chrome makeup/ body paint, this person has been Techno dancing for 6 hours and shows no signs of stopping. If anything, I respect their stamina and commitment to partying.
- The Auzies (aka da boys)
Migrating though the festival in squad formation, these are the boys who are louder, rowdier and drunker than every other person there. Everything they do is “FOR DA BOIIIZZZZ” and they often synchronize their novelty outfits. Although obnoxious, this group is generally harmless, until they start trying to make a four man totem pole at detriment to surrounding health and safety.
- The Get-a-Rooms
This is the couple who have been vigorously eating each other’s faces all day. Um, you paid almost $200 to be here, you know you could have just made out at home?
- The Spaceman
There is always that guy in the crowd who is so off his face, his brain is functioning on an entirely different dimension of time and space. The things he is saying do not make any form of logical sense but he loves everyone right now and will continue to spend the night hugging anyone that makes eye contact.
- The Veterans
These people are the legends of the festival realm. They are 50 plus years old but they can still party harder than any of you. No, seriously, don’t even try to challenge them because they have been doing this since before you were born.
Also check out 26 Boutique Aussie Festivals You Need To Attend
And for all the info on upcoming festivals head to The Music